On Being Single - At (gasp!) 40+

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It seems an obvious topic to write a blog post about being single… but the longer I boldly brandish this title (as a woman, as a woman over forty, as a single mom), the more deeply I realize it is as taboo a topic as any other I’ve covered.

Why is that? From what I can tell being single these last five years, there a few common responses to announcing this status:

  • You obviously aren’t ready for a relationship yet.
  • When are you going to finally settle down again?
  • How are you meeting people?

In other words, most people assume that singlehood is both a temporary condition and an unwelcome one.

Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but plenty of people are single by choice. No, seriously. It’s not because we’re broken, it’s not because we’ve been searching frantically and haven’t found ‘the one,’ it’s not because we’re cynical and believe love is dead… for many of us it’s simply the best of all possible options.

Maybe for now. Maybe temporarily. Or maybe forever. I'm not sure. Then again, no one can ever be sure of "forever." (What's the current divorce rate in the US...?)

I can’t speak for all single people, not even all single women, not even all single women in LA, not even all divorced 40+ single moms in LA. But, speaking strictly for myself, these are the main reasons I choose to be single:

  1. I like myself.
  2. I enjoy spending time doing hobbies that are not dependent on others’ company.
  3. I like making decisions for myself, by myself.
  4. I like having space – in my bathroom, bed, closet... in my head.
  5.  I like spending time with my kids a without the complication of a partner.
  6. I like having time to do the things I love – to learn new, to hone old skills, to work on myself as a person - without having to squeeze it in around my time with someone else.
  7. I like sex – but don’t need to be in a relationship to have it.
            
Notice how none of these reasons begin with negatives? 
How they are all intentional choices?

So, yeah, I’m single. I’m not between relationships, I’m not looking for “the one,” I’m not dating with the sole purpose of NOT being single. And I AM enjoying my life. I AM open to love. I AM open to all options and possibilities.

And not only is all that OK... it's also none of your damn business. 


Are you single? Is it by choice? Comment below!


Check out my new memoir, all about being 40+, single, and having a raucous old time of it!!

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