F*ck Me: A Memoir

  My Year as a Middle-aged, Online S3x Symbol  When my children were 1, 2 and 3 years old respectively, I left my job as a college instructor to be a stay-at-home-mom.  The 'position' lasted over ten years, during which time  I lost friends and hobbies, stopped working out, didn't wear makeup, rarely talked about anything that didn't involve my kids, and barely left the house.  For over a decade, I felt... invisible; f or all intents and purposes, I was invisible. But after my divorce, I once again began to prioritize my health, my fit, myself. I decided to have a life again.  And that life was so incredible, so fun, so insane, so heartbreaking... I decided to publish a tell-all, post-divorce sex and dating memoir  - and, of course, promote it on social media. However, I could not have predicted what happened next in a million years...  I became a middle-aged, online sex symbol. *** On January 1, 2025, I published the ironically (and raunchily) ti...

I miss… wait for it… an...ti...ci...pation.. . You know, that feeling of NOT getting what you want immediately; of NOT having whatever your heart desires at the touch of a button - be it the news, Chinese takeout or a jumbo package of toilet paper at your front door? I miss the excitement of possibility ... Of going out to a party or event hoping to meet someone interesting, waiting to hear from them, waiting to go out on a date with them, and waiting to learn everything about them – slowly, over time. I’ve come to realize that one of my biggest problems with dating apps is that it completely obliterates the delicious anticipation we used to relish in the process of dating. Now you click a box – “want a relationship” or “looking for fun,” “want kids” or “no kids!”   You click a link to a potential date's social media profile and learn everything about them from what elementary school they attended to what birthday cake they ate this year; You click on photos and see ...

Excerpt from: F*ck Me: A Memoir  Introduction W hen I split with my husband in the fall of 2019, I came to terms with the fact that I’d possibly never fall in love again, never have a romantic relationship again, or ever even have sex again. To move forward, I had to be OK with that. I had to believe that my life would still be better. At that point, I’d forgotten how important intimacy was for the body and soul, how important physical affection was to my personal well-being and happiness. And it certainly didn’t occur to me that sexual fulfillment would make the difference between me being just a mother and me being a woman .             To say that sex was the last thing on my mind is an understatement. Those first few years following my separation were decidedly the worst of my life. Apart from the ugly, drawn-out divorce taking place, I was also grieving the recent passing of my father and dealing with his messy est...

  When I started telling people about my sex and dating memoir , I received a similar response from nearly everyone:  “You’ll use a pen name, right?” Each time I’d respond with a laugh.  “Nope.” A look of horror would then takeover the faces of my well-meaning loved ones (who didn’t want to see me “ruin my life” for a book). At first, they’d try to convince me to change my mind. Some gently, others firmly. They'd remind me that I had children ( oh, really? ) and that one day I might want to work for someone who wasn't too thrilled by my exploits ( um, no ), that I might regret it one day ( oh well!),  and that I Really. Should. Think. About. It. But it didn't matter. I'd made up my mind. I was determined to publish my story as a 100% factual memoir, not a thinly-veiled piece of fiction - with my real name attached. This was for two reasons: Firstly, I'm proud of my life. I’m proud of my story. I don’t feel the need to hide anything. So why wouldn’t I put...

  People talk about how important it is to be vulnerable on dates, in relationships, with loved ones; talk about how difficult - but crucial - it is to open up, be honest, ask deep questions, answer uncomfortable questions and be willing to put yourself in a position where you might get hurt. Interestingly, I have the opposite problem of most people. I don’t know how NOT to be vulnerable; how NOT to be completely honest; how NOT to lay it all out there, come what may - love... or rejection. In fact, the advice I usually get is: Maybe hold back a little? Maybe they don’t need to know THAT much THAT soon? Maybe give people time to get to know you before you mention...? And to some degree I get it.  Most people need a minute to settle in with information about your past, your kids, your finances or health before they’re willing to commit to joining their life with yours (despite the fact that they're most likely bringing a similarly messy reality into the mix). BUT…on the...

  It seems an obvious topic to write a blog post about being single… but the longer I boldly brandish this title (as a woman, as a woman over forty, as a single mom), the more deeply I realize it is as taboo a topic as any other I’ve covered. Why is that? From what I can tell being single these last five years, there a few common responses to announcing this status: You obviously aren’t ready for a relationship yet. When are you going to finally settle down again? How are you meeting people? In other words, most people assume that singlehood is both a temporary condition and an unwelcome one. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but plenty of people are single by choice . No, seriously. It’s not because we’re broken, it’s not because we’ve been searching frantically and haven’t found ‘the one,’ it’s not because we’re cynical and believe love is dead… for many of us it’s simply the best of all possible options. Maybe for now. Maybe temporarily. Or maybe forever. I'm not sur...