On Vulnerability

 

People talk about how important it is to be vulnerable on dates, in relationships, with loved ones; talk about how difficult - but crucial - it is to open up, be honest, ask deep questions, answer uncomfortable questions and be willing to put yourself in a position where you might get hurt.

Interestingly, I have the opposite problem of most people. I don’t know how NOT to be vulnerable; how NOT to be completely honest; how NOT to lay it all out there, come what may - love... or rejection.

In fact, the advice I usually get is: Maybe hold back a little? Maybe they don’t need to know THAT much THAT soon? Maybe give people time to get to know you before you mention...?

And to some degree I get it. 

Most people need a minute to settle in with information about your past, your kids, your finances or health before they’re willing to commit to joining their life with yours (despite the fact that they're most likely bringing a similarly messy reality into the mix).

BUT…on the other hand…

I’m the type of person who wants it all NOW, UPFRONT. 

Don't hold back! Give me all the good, the bad and the severely deranged and let me decide if I’m in or out. 

Oh, and please be openminded, empathetic and experienced enough to do the the same for me!

Am I wrong to be like this? Maybe. Does it scare off men? Sure. But more importantly: is it hurting my chances of finding a true partner? Or is it weeding out men who probably aren’t for me?

I honestly don’t know.

What I do know is I don't know how to be any other way.

What does vulnerability in a relationship look like to you? How comfortable are you with being vulnerable? How much do you welcome new partners to get down to that level with you? 

Comment below!

 

And read all about my EXTREME vulnerability in my new post-dating, too-hot-to-handle dating memoir: F*ck Me: A Memoir!