Dating Advice from my Kids

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A few years ago, around the time my divorce was finalized, my children sat me down for a talk. They were 7, 9 and 10 years old.

My older daughter began, “We think it’s time you got a boyfriend.”

From there, my girls took turns pointing out the important qualities I should look for in a partner:

  •          Cool car (truck or sports car)
  •          Cool job (spy or actor)
  •          Must follow the rules of the house (no cell phone at the dinner table)
  •          Must like kids (having kids would be a HUGE bonus)

They then proceeded to use their stuffed animals to act out what they called ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behavior in relationships.

First, my younger daughter mimicked people passing one another in the hallway. “You should say ‘excuse me’ and not just shove."

Then my older daughter put on a performance in which two people were going to sleep in a shared bed. “You should ask nicely for someone to turn off the TV, not just grab the remote."

“And we know he’ll kiss you. And sleep over. And wake up here and eat breakfast with us,” my younger daughter proclaimed. “It’ll be weird,” she added, “but weird doesn’t mean bad.” 

“We just want you to be happy,” my older daughter interjected. “Even if he isn’t exactly everything we’re describing. As long as you’re happy, we’re happy.”


I wanted to cry. My kids were being so mature and supportive; so selfless and considerate. I wasn’t sure what to say.

Then, my younger daughter blurted out, “So, do you want a boyfriend?”

The truth was, I was in a relationship at the time. But it wasn’t serious, so I didn’t mention it. I weighed my words, careful not to lie, but also not to confuse them with a situation they weren’t old enough to understand. “I don’t know. There are pros and cons to having a boyfriend,” I answered, finally.

“Like what?” my older daughter asked, curiously.

“Getting to know a person takes a lot of time. And energy. On the other hand, it’s wonderful to have more people in your life who care about you.”

“He might cheat on you,” my older daughter warned. “And you might break up. And you might have to go out with a lot of guys before you find one you like. You should go on a dating app!” she recommended, excitedly. Then, thoughtfully, she added, “Or you can be with a woman now! No judgment!”

There was so much to unpack, I wasn’t sure how to respond. But before I even had a chance, my younger daughter interrupted my thoughts.

“And do you think you could get a boyfriend if you wanted one?”

“Hmmm…. I think I could if I wanted to,” I said with a smile.

Without taking a beat, she replied, “Why? You think you’re so hot?!”

 

With the upcoming release of my memoir, F*ck Me: A Memoir, I’ve started sharing more about my personal life with my kids. Nothing too detailed, just the fact that I’ve been dating these past few years. 

They asked if I’ve kept their advice in mind and are pleased to hear I have.

 

#datingoverforty #singlemomdating #datingwithkids #datingadvice #datingafterdivorce 


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