How I Fell in Love with Lingerie at 40 - and Why You Should, Too!

 

When I started dating after my divorce – at nearly forty years old – I was told by single friends that men now expected selfies. Hot selfies. Nude selfies. Lingerie selfies.

I’d never taken a selfie before. The last time I’d dated was before the invention of the smart phone. And apart from a few sets of matching bras and panties from the sale rack at Victoria’s Secret, I didn’t own a single piece of lingerie.

I thought lingerie was for models, twenty-year olds, women who’d never been pregnant before. In other words, not for me and my three-babies-in-three-years, haven’t-worked-out-in-a-decade body. I hoped to avoid the entire situation. I mean, anyone interested in me – a middle-aged mother – certainly wouldn’t expect naked pictures. Right?!

Wrong.

Within the first few matches on the apps, men were asking for selfies. Hot selfies. Nude selfies. Lingerie selfies.

I began looking at shops online. I ordered a few tame teddies and bodysuits; garments which were pretty and frilly and covered most of my body. I snapped photos in these relatively modest outfits, careful to cut my head out of every photo – not for privacy’s sake, but because the look of discomfort on my face would’ve otherwise ruined the images.

I was uncomfortable with my body and unsure that any man would ever find me attractive again.

Therefore, I was surprisingly pleased with the enthusiastic responses I received. Comments which encouraged me to push the limits of my comfort zone, gave me permission to make peace with my postpartum body, and begged me to acknowledge my desirability.

Fast forward to my first relationship. He was young. He was hot. He’d been dating the twenty-year old, never been pregnant models for whom I’d once thought lingerie was solely created! I needed to up my ‘sexy’ game. And fast.

I decided to buy my first set of real lingerie. I went back online, but this time I scrolled straight past the cute teddies and full-coverage bodysuits, and opted for strappy, lacy, leathery, tight, nipple-showing, thonged ensembles.

I remember when the first set arrived. I opened the individual plastic bags, each containing one part of the getup, one piece of the puzzle. When assembled, the treasures lying within promised to miraculously change me from middle-aged housewife to sexy objet d’affection.

It was a lot of pressure on an outfit that could easily fit in the palm of my hand!

I began unsealing the packages. The first bag offered the bra. It was lacy, black and padded. I turned over the second bag and out plopped a tiny black g-string. The third bag contained a garter belt – a piece of clothing I’d never in my life owned or worn before. And, finally, I opened a cardboard packet in which fishnet stockings were tidily enclosed.

I took a deep breath and began undressing. With a few careful motions, I shed the encumbrance of ten years’ worth of self-doubt, and slipped uncertainly into the promise of a transformed tomorrow.

Once the garments were arranged correctly on my body, I looked at myself in the mirror. I gasped. The magic that had been promised, had been delivered: I was a sex goddess.

I ran my hands all over my body. My breasts looked fuller. My hips looked curvier. My legs looked longer. Yes, my arms were skinny and undefined, and the crepey wrinkles on my lower belly were on full display. But they didn’t detract from the overall effect.

I was sexy.

After that, the photos I took greatly improved. This was partly due to playing with lighting and angles. But the real difference was something much less tangible – and far more significant. While once I‘d reeked of insecurity, I now radiated confidence.

It turns out, more than strappy, lacy, leathery, nipple-showing lingerie, the sexiest, most attractive thing a woman can wear, is confidence.

It took a while (and a good chunk of cash), but I’ve since amassed a collection of lingerie that could rival your local Frederick’s of Hollywood. And I’m not talking about frilly pink teddies and nude silk slips. I’m talking about crotchless g-strings, push-up corsets, nipple stickers, handfuls of silk ribbons posing as apparel, garter belts with locks, collars and leashes, and much, much more.

Yes, I fell in love with lingerie… because lingerie helped me fall back in love with ME.

 

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Read more about my intimate relationship with lingerie… oh, and some humans as well… in my upcoming memoir, F*ck Me: A Memoir.

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#lingerie #datingoverforty #datingafterdivorce #confidentwomen #selflove #selfconfidence