On Casual Sex

I love sex. Love, lust, crave, need sex.

If you know me in real life, if you’ve looked at my Instagram or Facebook pages, or if you’ve read my book, you know this about me. It’s no secret. And I’m not ashamed to talk about it.

BUT… what may come as a surprise to some people is that I hate casual sex.

Casual sex sounds great, right? Fun, exciting, no-strings attached, new… yeah, sounds awesome. But here’s the thing – put aside health and safety issues – there’s one major problem with it:

It’s just not that good.

Don’t get me wrong, it can hit the spot after a dry spell, or at the end of a night with a smoking hot date… but beyond the momentary gratification, there’s really not much to it.

It’s a minor scratch to a great, big, itchy itch.

And I’ll tell you why - it lacks these three essential components for a truly mind-blowing experience:

•          Deep desire
•          Absolute trust
•          Open communication

Yes, you can have desire for someone new or someone you don’t know very well. But REAL desire, true, every-ounce-of-your-body-aches-for-the-person desire is born of knowing someone, connecting with them on a deep level, and allowing anticipation to build.

And yes, you can f*ck someone you don’t trust. But the difference between surrendering totally with someone whom you know cares for you, respects you, would never hurt you… vs. someone you’re just messing around with, well… it’s the difference between a bag of Doritos and a Michelin-star meal.

And finally, yes, you can sleep with someone with whom you don’t communicate well… but it’ll never compare to the experience you’ll have with someone to whom you can express your every fantasy, fear, curiosity, past experience, like and dislike without abandon.

I’m not saying you can’t have good casual sex. But I am saying it’ll never be AMAZING… And if you’re willing to settle for mediocrity, so be it.

I, for one, am not.

What do you think about casual sex? Share below!

Read more about the experiences and life lessons that led me to this belief... and so many more in my upcoming memoir, F*ck Me: A Memoir - out by the end of the year! 

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