On Expectations

-

 



I keep thinking I have the lowest expectations of dating and potential partners I could possibly have... and yet, I'm constantly shocked at how low the bar can go.

When I became single a few years ago, I'd already given up expecting to:

  •          meet someone organically
  •          find someone who checks all my boxes
  •          find someone who checks some of my boxes
  •          find someone who checks any of my boxes
  •          find someone who can find my boxes

But now, on top of this list of non-expectations (and in addition to some fundamental dealbreakers such as no bigots, addicts, abusers, or severely mentally-ill people), I've had to create the following list to weed out undesirables I didn't even know existed prior to getting back in the dating game five years ago:

  •         Must be willing to set a date and time to meet  - If hear the words ‘We should hang out sometime’ followed by days or weeks of texting silence one more time, I may just become celibate!

  •            Must text or call back within 24 hours - I’m sorry, no one is without their phone for 24 hours. Nope, no way. If you choose to wait that long to communicate with someone whom you would like to start a relationship – or even a just situationship or hookup – go fuck yourself.

  •            Must be sexually-free, confident and willing to communicate about desires - Dude, if you’re over 30 and can’t say what you like in bed and find sexual health embarrassing to discuss, ya ain’t seeing this girl naked.

  •            Must understand that my kids come first - NO I won't have a Facetime call in the middle of a busy school-day evening in order to satisfy your curiosity about whether or not I look like my photos a couple of days sooner than is convenient for me; No, I won't leave my kids - whom I only have 50% of the time - to have a first date with a stranger.
  •        Must have a personal hygiene rating of at least ... 6? If I can't sit comfortably in your car, if your place is littered with month-old laundry and dirty dishes and trash, or if I have to ask if you've showered... you better bet I'll never be sitting in that car, home or in your lap ever again!
  •        Must be able to put the phone away - It's one thing if you have your phone out for an emergency (especially if you have kids), or there's a deadline at work and you're waiting for a confirmation email ... but if you keep checking the phone or answering texts and calls on a date... well, I'm glad you're so excited by your phone, because that's the only thing going home with you. 

I don't think I'm being unreasonable with these non-negotiables... and yet... there's a reason I have this list - because I've encountered each of these behaviors so many times.

So, what do I do? Continue to expect the worst and hope someone remotely normal surfaces? Continue to add to my ever-growing list of dealbreakers? Or just cut to the chase and join a nunnery? (What’s the Jewish equivalent of a nunnery, I wonder?)


What are your non-negotiables? What do you feel are reasonable expectations nowadays in the world of dating? Share below!


Read more about my reasonable and unmet expectations in my upcoming memoir, F*ck Me: A Memoir!

And join my community of fun, single, married, divorced, widowed, men and women of all ages who want to discuss all things dating, health and single parenting!

 Sign up for my mailing list so you don't miss a thing!

 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Casual Sex

-
Image
I love sex. Love, lust, crave, need sex. If you know me in real life, if you’ve looked at my Instagram or Facebook pages, or if you’ve read my book , you know this about me. It’s no secret. And I’m not ashamed to talk about it. BUT… what may come as a surprise to some people is that I hate casual sex. Casual sex sounds great, right? Fun, exciting, no-strings attached, new… yeah, sounds awesome. But here’s the thing – put aside health and safety issues – there’s one major problem with it: It’s just not that good. Don’t get me wrong, it can hit the spot after a dry spell, or at the end of a night with a smoking hot date… but beyond the momentary gratification, there’s really not much to it. It’s a minor scratch to a great, big, itchy itch. And I’ll tell you why - it lacks these three essential components for a truly mind-blowing experience:           Deep desire           Absolute trust          ...
Read more

FM: A Memoir by Arielle Miller - Out now!!

-
Image
OUT NOW!! Order yours today! It’s hard enough to pick up the pieces after a terrible divorce and ‘get back out there’ in your forties; it’s nearly impossible in Los Angeles, where youth, beauty, and celebrity reign supreme. But, if you can ignore the expectations you had for your life and tune out the expectations everyone else has for you… dating can be entertaining, hilarious, and even fun!   At least, that’s been Arielle’s experience as she’s navigated the bizarre and surreal modern dating world, sampling everything on offer: threesomes, illicit drugs, celebrities, one-night stands, BDSM, erotic photography and sex with much younger men (and women). All the while upholding her pristine image as a traditional PTA mom, inwardly rebuilding her self-esteem and self-worth, and stalwartly hiding her secret life from her three young children.   F*ck Me : A Memoir depicts the journey Arielle took from broken and hopeless, to fierce and passionate. Honest, raw and no-holds-barred, ...
Read more

About The Author: Arielle Miller

-
Image
Arielle Miller is an author and tay-at-home mother of three, born and raised in Los Angeles. She earned a B.A. in English Literature from UC Berkeley and an M.A. in Education from Tel Aviv University.   Arielle began her career in the book department of a prestigious talent agency in Beverly Hills. After a few years, however, she decided Hollywood wasn't for her. Inspired by a week-long visit to Israel, she decided to move to the promise land to reconnect with her family and cultural roots. There, she earned her master’s degree, taught elementary and junior high school, then entered the world of international educational publishing.   In 2011, married, one baby on hip and another one the way, Arielle moved back to the States. Within just two years, she had her second and third children, while working as a language instructor at UCLA Extension and Kaplan College.   In 2017, Arielle trained and certified as a birth and postpartum doula, and has taken great joy in educating...
Read more