On Closure

Closure. What a stupid idea.

Don’t get me wrong, like so many others, I’ve spent months, years of my life seeking “closure” in relationships.

I’ve foolishly reached out, ad nauseum. 

I’ve imagined happenchance meetings and the conversations that would inevitably (fantastically) ensue: “Oh Arielle, I’m so glad I ran into you,” they'd begin. “I have to tell you… all these years... it’s just tortured me that…” etc. etc. 

(I warned you, fantastical.)

I’ve even gone so far as to write a book about my dating blunders, disappointments and failures in hopes of achieving some measure of “closure.” 

So, when I say I’m a world-class, hopeful, hopeless fool, having wasted lifetimes waiting for the inimitable, imaginary, ethereal concept of “closure” to land in my lap like a beautiful, rare, mini rainbow unicorn, I assure you, I am a world-class fool.

And I can, therefore, further assure you that through my painstaking – and entirely wasted – efforts, I've determined, without a doubt, that closure doesn't exist.

At least, not in the way most people hope for. Not in a way that would satisfy the soul, assuage the heart; neatly close chapters, tidily wrap up past.

And I’ll tell you why: because we don’t live on the neat little pages of a book, nor in the tidy little folds of giftwrapped packages.

No, we live in a messy world.

A world in which life keeps going, even when relationships end;

A world in which people do bad things and don’t go to jail. Or hell. Where good people suffer everyday, for absolutely no reason;

A world in which there are often no consequences for actions;

A world of ghosting, of text breakups; of lingering questions to which no answer could possibly gratify the questioner; of true heartache, and of misery.

                                                                                         ***

So, no, “closure” – in the sense that all questions are answered, all actions understood, all forgivenesses requested and granted, and all pasts forgotten – Does. Not. Exist.

 

HOWEVER...

 

I’ll tell you a secret. Something else I've learned through hardship and failed expeditions to attain "closure" in this tenuous, fragile universe of ours...

You can move on, move past, learn and grow... and live, quite happily, WITHOUT closure. 

And that, right there, is the real goal. Because satisfying the soul does not – and cannot – happen from the outside, only from within.

 

 When was the last time you sought some sort of "closure" from a failed relationship? How did you handle it? Comment below!

Check out my new memoir, F*ck Me: A Memoir to read all about the closure-less relationships I've experienced - and how I learned to move on with my life! 

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